It's a tight rope we walk post-transplant. A carefully scheduled life of chaos. It would be easy to become overwhelmed with what we are up against every day, and what we could face in days to come. However, I haven't met a transplant patient who felt the organized chaos of our lives is not worth the reward of breathing our next breath.
For me, having a transplant has opened my eyes and heart to so many things. I appreciate everything on such a different level now; one that I have yet to find adequate words to describe. I find myself deeply in-tune with life, my surroundings, and myself. Something as simple as feeling snowflakes falling on my head, or the smell of fresh cut grass in the summer... even the sound of silence; my heart and mind are riddled with emotions.
Thinking about time, it tugs at my heart a little. I know that even if this transplant doesn't last as long as I'd like, I lived for all the small things too. I'm content and at peace with the risks of rejection and death, but will never stop fighting for life even when I'm doing well like I currently am. It's been a challenge to not obsess over every aspect of things so that I won't feel like it's my fault if things go downhill.
I had to learn to live for each moment. All the small things. To accept the risks, and not live in fear because of them. I've relinquished control over something I have no real control over in the first place. I refuse to waste my second chance at life due to fear of actually LIVING. So after you let go of the fear, what's left? Life.
Please consider donating to the New Brunswick Lung Association so they may continue to help so many New Brunswickers who live with lung disease. Remember… when you can’t breathe nothing else matters.